l i l i a n l o

I really hate when people look down on others — like they’re better or something. Everyone has potential. You might be a little better than someone, but everyone does have a weakness. Your weakness happens to be their strength.

* Just a thought. Ha

(via jumpman237)

Past

I’m really content with my life right now. I have the most amazing people in my life, a steady job, .. I mean what more can I ask for? But for some reason I feel so empty. I wish I could rewind time and just live my childhood again. I don’t know if it’s because I miss my siblings. Maybe I miss my family in California? Maybe I left my heart in California? Maybe I miss my parents together. Or maybe it’s all the above.

I wish I had my sister here. I mean, I have my close friends who I can turn to. I trust them and all and I know I can open up to them about anything, but I just wish I had a sister figure in my life. She’s always so busy or I’m always busy so we barely talk. Not to mention, I don’t have any cousins my age so it’s not like I can just go out and hang out with them like how it was in California. It’s either I’m the youngest or the oldest. Now my older brother in California? .. He’s always busy. I guess the thing I miss with him is that me and him always messed around. We would play sports together, joke around with each other… I guess just do everything together? The relationship I used to have with my other older brother, that lives here, kinda faded away. I mean, to me, I think he’s changed and I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing? I guess he has his own family now so I can’t blame him if he doesn’t have time to visit or anything, but I’ll just leave it at that. & I definitely miss my cousins in California. We grew up together, did everything together. How could I not miss them? Sucks to see everyone grow up and go their own way.

Yeah, I wish my parents were still together. I mean, who would ever want their parents to separate, right? I know that it’s better off that way, but having 15 years worth of memories seeing them happy compared to 3-4 years of them not speaking to each other, etc. I don’t think I really need to explain anything … I just wish I could see them together one more time.

Leaving my heart in California? Yeah, maybe I am dwelling in the past — because all this that I’m talking about is in the past. I just miss my family. Seeing everyone do their own thing, growing apart, hurts me — especially when I’m probably the only one trying to keep in contact with everyone. Am I doing too much? Idk.

Went running today around my neighborhood, on the trails. Was very relaxing. Forgot how it felt to run, listen to music, and let the big things in life slip away for a little while. Planning to jog every Monday and Wednesday - Friday now. Either early in the morning or later in the evening (: ♥

Me: Mom, you put so much cream on your face … no wonder you still look so young!
Mom: I don’t put a lot? You put more make up on than this!
Me: …But I don’t even put that much make up on -__________-

1 hour later …
Mom: Okay honey, I’m going to bed. Good night, love you!
Me: K, night. Love you too.
*Big hugsss
Me: GOSH, your cream is rubbing all over my face! Gross, it’s all oily!
Mom: Yeah, watch tmrw .. one cheek is gonna be whiter than the other! LOL
Me: -________-

So I was telling Chong that a lot of people think I’m the guy in the relationship and he’s the girl. He didn’t get offended at all, lol. He said, “YEAH, I feel like I’m still in the lovey-dovey stage and you’re just like ‘whatever’ ” …. That made me LMFAO, lol. MAN, I guess I don’t show him any effections anymore. I should take advantage of it before he stops trying and “the chase” stage ends, lol. But glad to know we’re still in that stage even though it’s going to be officially a year tomorrow (: I love my chubbs ♥

So my sister called and we were doing what sisters do —- catch up. Mother’s Day popped up and she asked if I was going to visit Pog. Geeeeze, she really caught me off guard. I told her I haven’t visited her and my dad in awhile and she told me …

“Don’t get mad! When Dad came to visit he was telling me that you and Peter don’t go see him or Pog anymore. Then Caroline (my nyab) started saying that it was messed up that you don’t go visit, but I was telling her that you’re a really sensitive person especially when it comes to Pog and she wouldn’t understand.”

In my head, I was just cursing from left to right because, hell yeah, that got me mad as hell! When her and my brother came to visit, she NEVER wanted to visit my Dad. But anyways, YEAHH when it comes to visiting my Dad and my Grandma I get a little emotional and I need about a week just to prepare myself. My Grandma can’t see so it sucks when I have to tell her who I am. I guess it’s because she’s the one who raised me and I hate to see her like this. Plus when I go over, she’s always sleeping and I hate disturbing her. My Dad, on the other hand, just complains too much. In the beginning I didn’t mind it because I knew he was going through a lot, but after awhile people get tired of it. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention, I’m the only child who TRIES to keep in contact with them? My brother and sister in California are always “too busy” and my brother Peter has this huge grudge against him. So it all comes down to me. Anyways, I do miss them and love them. It’s about that time to visit them again ♥